Why I’ve Stopped Making New Years Resolutions

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That’s right, I stopped making New Year resolutions almost 30 years years ago!

Not because I think they’re not important, and not because I think they’re a waste of time, or just a simple feel good way to start out the year.

No, I stopped making New Year resolutions because of something I heard someone say one year, and ever since that day, I’ve always done it year after year, because I feel it’s been very true.

Here’s what they said:

“What you do on New Years, you will do all year.”

Okay, I admit that the first thing that sixteen-year-old me was thinking at the time was that if he kissed a girl on new year, he’d kiss her all year..! And more, if he played his cards right (ahem)! Suddenly, it wasn’t about what you should be making as a resolution. It was suddenly about what you wanted your life to be like throughout the entire year.

To sixteen-year-old me, it seemed logical and so much more magical than finding a boring resolution that I’d forget within the first month.

The concept had resonated deeply with me, and while I still partook in New Year celebrations, I’ve stopped making New Years resolutions. My real resolution from that moment on was about making the effort to do the things I wanted to see happen during that year.

So yes, I’ve stopped making New Years resolutions, and the following year, I invited my new girlfriend to celebrate the New Year with our family. I also kissed her good. 😀

Several years later, my children’s mother and I would make the time for ourselves, and have a date on new years. Heck three years in a row we went to see Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings movies: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Two Towers (2002), and The Return of the King (2003). I distinctly remember having to convince her to see the first movie, but by the end of that movie, the Buffy the Vampire Slayer fan was obsessed with Orlando Bloom and his character Legolas.

Let’s just say that made things a little easier for the following two new years. Haha!

A few years after that, we purposely made love on new years day and had our third child nine months later, and of course life has it’s ups and downs, and with three children in our lives, the following new years became a blur.

We Forgot to Make Time for Each Other that New Years

We forgot to make time for each other on New Years, and the rest of the years that followed. Eventually, their mother and me called it quits and separated by the time the youngest was two.

Then I avoided my family for 4 straight years after that, even my friends.

Five years later, my best friend got engaged in the early summer! When he asked me to be his best man again, I declined.

I was still struggling with depression, and he shouldn’t have an unhappy, miserable best man.

I was a ghost of my former self, shut indoors, cut off from people and family. Heck, the idea of even making it to a social gathering surrounded by my best friend and his family (which were like family to me) and plastering a fake smile on my face seemed like a chore at the time. I remember worrying about it.

“No Frank, I don’t think I should be your best man,” I told him. “It wasn’t particularly successful the last time.”

To be fair, I did really challenge him again on why he was getting married that second time, just like I had done the first time, but I could tell that this time he wasn’t getting married to appease his girlfriend, or out of a sense of duty. This time, I could tell that his heart was actually excited at the prospect.

I could also tell he was a bit disappointed with my answer, but he was coming from a good place, and he knew I was struggling for several years now.

He insisted I be there, and he knew me well enough that he made me promise him that I would join him for the festivities. He knew that I would try to dance around making a promise, because I tend to keep to my promises and don’t make promises I don’t want to keep.

To be honest with all of you, it’s the only reason I went. If he hadn’t made me promise, I wouldn’t have gone.

But for Frank, my best friend and the closest thing I had to a brother in my life had, I had conceded and promised that I would attend.

He Turned My Life Around that Day

I’m getting choked up as I write this, but he absolutely saved my life that day. I don’t know where I was heading before, but I had spent the last 4 years rudderless, directionless, and deep down I needed a reason to steer a new course for myself.

That summer, I had to force myself to go outside every day. I had to force myself to socialize, to exercise, to get some sun.

That summer, I really struggled, but the promise I made meant that I had to fit in a suit. I had to look clean and groomed, and it also meant I had to at least be mentally strong enough to spend a whole evening socializing, and I simply couldn’t look like a pale-looking Casper or Moaning Myrtle. I needed a healthy tan.

Every day of that summer, I had to force myself out of my bed, get showered and shaved.

Every day that summer, forced myself to spend one hour in the condo pool.

I slowly started socializing again.

At first it was only with the lifeguard. She was a young and happy thing, so it was easy enough to smile at her and wish her a beautiful day.

(Baby Steps, one day at a time.)

Then the other pool guests. A neighbour here, and a neighbour there.

I started making plans again too, even if it was just to attend my best friend’s wedding.

I knew I didn’t want to crash at his place, or crash at his in-laws. So I booked a bed & breakfast nearby.

I socialized with the owner, and sat down to breakfast with her. I was surprised at how nice the conversation was, and just how nice it was to just get to know a complete stranger. The following day, we socialized with her other guests who joined us for breakfast.

Then I had to attend his bachelor’s party, we got drunk, and had a crazy evening of shots, bull riding, singing and laughing. I was starting to make some friends with his in-laws and his other friends.

Then Came the Wedding Day, and What a Beautiful Late Summer Day That Was!

I took in the wedding’s happiness, laughter, and merriment. Drank up the old and new friendships, the discussions, the singing, and the camaraderie. I was actually sad when the wedding party left in their “just married” decorated car.

Frank doesn’t know just how much of a healing experience his wedding had been for me, but I left it in a better state of mind, and with a better sense of self. I was suddenly ready to keep on going.

I actually attended my first family Christmas party that year.

With all the effort I had put in over the summer, the following months were some of the nicest ones in a very long time. I even made plans to attend my first family Christmas party in 5 years!

That’s also where I met the current woman in my life, and I wasn’t afraid to make a move anymore. I was actually looking forward to getting to know this one, and I felt like my old confident and cocky self again.

So I made sure to ask her on a date for new years, and that relationship blossomed.

Five Years Later, she’s still the love of my life.

In Case You’re Wondering, This is What I’m Doing This New Year:

• Today, I got up at 9:30 am, got a healthy breakfast.
• I’m sharing myself with the world around me, and with strangers by writing this blog.
• I’m helping a client with her business, and taking the time to work on mine.
• I have a trainer who’s waiting for me to complete my workout after I finish writing this post..!
• I will be working out with my children, playing games with them, and making healthy meals.

I will not be making a resolution this year. I’m actually spending the day doing the things I want to do for the entire year.

What are you going to do with your New Year?

Wishing you all my best for 2021!

Stephen